Cot Death & the stigma that goes with it.

By Linda Corby

This was Benjamin in my arms wearing his sister’s blanket.

When I lost my son Benjamin to a cot death in 1976 it was common place for people to shun you and presume you were guilty of murder, even when the Police found no suspicious circumstances and you were not charged with any offence.  I was after losing Benjamin subject to the most atrocious behaviour from total strangers, for example I was spat on and called a baby killer by one woman in a supermarket, I was going round in a daze of grief only two weeks after Benjamin’s funeral, this resulted in my taking an overdose that night and ending up in intensive care.

The trauma and the devastation I am still living now in the knowledge that many people will always consider a parent who has lost their child this way is and always will be a nightmare. The mental trauma caused by this is enormous! The stress would drive anyone over the edge and leave them in a suicidal state of mind, yet there is little to no help for them. In my case when I had my next baby the Social workers made my life a complete misery, and kept referring back to my son’s cot death, which obviously distressed me greatly.

I have written my autobiography ’Bad Blood’ and Benjamin’s life and cot death are in there, along with the harrowing events which followed, the Police the Social workers and the general callous behaviour and events that occurred back then.

I really feel for people like Angela Canning who spent 18 months in jail until her conviction was quashed in December 2003 when key medical evidence against her was discredited. It is my opinion that she should have received some sort of compensation as the authorities are responsible for her wrongful conviction in the first place.

Every time someone was, is in the media convicted for murdering a baby for what was in fact a cot death, I personally felt the gaze of people looking at me, I knew/know they were wondering if I was a murderer who got away with it, this cuts me to the bone, I would find myself reliving the horror of it all, I become distraught.

It does not matter if a parent has never been charged with, convicted of or consequently acquitted of murdering a baby who in reality died of a cot death, in the eyes of some they will always be seen as guilty of murder, with or without trial!  This is why in my opinion Sally Clark, who was wrongly jailed for the murder of her two sons should have had died from a broken heart and stress put on her death certificate. I really feel for her family, my heart goes out to them!

Below is an extract from my autobiography ‘Bad Blood’ that I hope will encourage people who have not lost a child in this way not to be harsh to those who have.

The 9th of May is Liberation Day in Jersey, though for me I was never again to see it that way after 1976.  I lost Benjamin to a cot death that day, my whole world fell apart, I don't remember hearing myself screaming, just opening my mouth, with an horrendous pain in my chest when I found him dead. He just looked like he was sleeping, but when I picked him up he had left this world, and there was nothing anyone could do to bring him back to us. We were all in shock.  I was completely non compos mentis when the Police arrived, I was shaking like a jelly, mentally unable to cope with the situation. I have relived it in my mind so many times, wondering if there was anything I could have done differently, although I know I couldn't have. Yet not knowing what caused Benjamin to die still drives me round the bend, and turns my gut inside out.   It was the worst nightmare, yet it was real. The world spun around me in slow motion, as the police asked questions, I didn't take in anything they asked or said.  I have no idea what I replied.  Dad arrived with Ann, and took me to my bedroom where I sat numbly on the end of the bed.  I hadn't smoked for two years, but Ann handed me a cigarette which I smoked automatically while shaking from head to foot, perspiration dripping off me from the shock, and everything was just one big blur. Dad insisted that we moved into Ann's property until after the funeral, which he organized. I couldn't eat, could barely drink anything, and couldn't stop sobbing my eyes out.  I lost over four stone in weight in the two weeks, and dropped to less than five stone. The inquest was held at our General Hospital, when Brian and I arrived I was still in total shock, barely able to stand up, let alone talk.  The police met us there, but we had no idea what was going to happen next. In my innocence I thought we were just going to be asked questions.  Two policemen guided us to a room which I thought was going to be where the inquest was to be held, but it wasn't. As we walked into the room there was Benjamin's body lying on a table naked with what I now know is called a zip, stitching up his tiny body. I still cannot believe they did that to us. I collapsed on Brian, and my legs just fell from beneath me as we reached the table.  I touched Benjamin's little hand, it was stone cold, and the whole room was stone cold.  I don't remember, but Brian said they had to carry me out of there. Now for the rest of my life that will be my last memory of our beautiful baby boy who was so warm, so loving, and had such a beautiful nature that his death and the sight of him on that table still makes me heave.  I write this sobbing with a pain to the pit of my stomach,

End of Extract:

Thank you for reading this I do hope it helps others out there in pain from losing a baby to a cot death!

Link to:

News about Sally Clark http://www.sallyclark.org.uk/

Foundation for the study of infant deaths: http://www.sids.org.uk/

Angela Canning News. http://news.sky.com/skynews/article/0,,30100-1256262,00.html

Bad Blood autobiography Click here

http://www.lulu.com/lindacorby